Anxiety is the bridge I cannot cross. It is the shudder in my voice that won’t speak. The absolute fear in my next breathe or the swallow in my mouth that I can’t enact.
I know it’s all inside of me and only recognisable by me, the others can’t see it and just don’t get it. It’s my single greatest fear of being exposed in a professional role that I never believe I’m truly worthy of. It’s the voices in my head every day that tell me everyone around me is better than me. It’s when the fictitious lights are on me, the eyes are watching me, the expectation is at its highest…but they are only my expectations I put on myself, no one else…….so why should it matter…but it does!
Depression is the darkness of the tunnel that I can’t crawl out of. It is the time when I have no feeling, no joy, no pain no nothing….just a whole lot of questions…mainly why? Depression is the vice like grip of my entire being that sometimes makes it impossible to even get up and walk. It makes you question worth, gives you no perspective and makes you feel so distant from everyone and everything. If depression was a colour, it would be a very ugly grey.
Cooking for me gives me purpose. It gives me focus. It distracts me. It challenges me. It takes me to a place of colours, aromas, textures and creativity. It connects me with people. It gives me joy to see the joy of others enjoy my creations. It engages my brain, my hands, my eyes. It provides me with a sense of achievement whether I’m cooking for myself or 20 people. Nourishing others nourishes my soul. Cooking conquers everything that anxiety and depression throws at me in a way like not many other activities can. I honestly love cooking!
~ Cameron 39
A conversation can make a difference in helping someone feel less alone and more supported in recovering from anxiety and depression. Don’t underestimate the importance of just ‘being there’.
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